i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
