all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
