Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
