i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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