I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
