Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
