youre lurking in front of me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
