Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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