that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
