Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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