Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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