the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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