so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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