Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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