Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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