it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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