I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
