You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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