It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
