if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
