dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
