Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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