I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
