Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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