i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
