hell yes lets make some ravioli
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
