wat bout pragnant strippers??
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
