I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
