but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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