Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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