Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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