no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
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No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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