just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
