is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
