it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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