See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
