I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
