I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
