is your mom at the bar?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
