And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
