whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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