Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
