I'm going to jail i love you
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
