How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
