her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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