i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
