I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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