Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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