I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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