he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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