you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
