1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
