I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
