p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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