I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
