You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
