I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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