Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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