He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
