I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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