we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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