i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The air taste purple.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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