what day is it and did you see me today?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
