everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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