i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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