I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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