I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
